Sadness

So today I'm feeling overwhelmed not sure why, but I stood at Wal Mart looking at cards and cried.  Sometimes I think I just miss people or perhaps just the way my life used to be,  not really sure.  But I just generally feel sad.  So I got myself some rainbow sherbet and had two bowls.  Nothing like eating to feel better.  That is what I do.

Head Cold

So today I have a nasty head cold.  I hate not feeling well, it really is something I actually hate.  I think there is no excuse for being sick and we should suck it up.  But I did chose to come home from work, because not feeling good just pushes my patience and sometimes I don't have much.  So I came home and started taking meds every 4 hours, because that is another thing, don't complain if you are not going to take meds.  We need them to get better.  So hopefully in the morning I will feel better.

Working mothers of the world say NO!

So one thing I learned after starting my new job as a secretary at a community college was I was stressed out.  I had missed so many things over the past 24 years.  If I could change anything I would tell the working mothers of the world you think you can have it all and you can balance it, well you really can't.  Learn to say NO to your job.  Put your children first, I know I didn't or at least I didn't all of the time.  Stick to your budget save the money,  because all of that money you are making that you are using to buy things for your children because you think that will make up for not sitting around the dinner table and talking with them, because someday when that child goes to college or gets married you will wish you had that money instead of your daughter having those jeans she wore once.  So save your money, say NO to the job and spend more family time.  Had I done any of that while my children were growing up, just maybe I would have been less stressed during those times and would have enjoyed what they did.  Don't get me wrong I never missed anything that they participated in, but I did miss dinners and talk time with them.  And in the end it was the job that left me, not my children or family.  Because when I quit that job of 24 years, those girls are the ones that told me it would be okay.

These are my two beautiful daughters. It's an older picture.  Adriane was still attending OU and Rochelle was still in high school, but this is one of my favorite pics and I wanted to share.

Really about me

So how did I get to today?  This is the story I think I need to tell and how I got to this point.  Basically it really is about the last two years of my life and the change I was forced to make, but the change that has been a deal maker for me and ended up being what I think was the best thing for me.


On Feb. 23, 2009  I was given the life changing news that the office I had worked for was being consolidated and would be closed in just 3 weeks. Being the office manager it was up to me to be part of the glue.  The worst part of all of this is that because of the nature of our service business is that the service techs. would be staying local, but the office help would be relocated to an office 30 miles away.  The small family of workers was being divided.  And we weren't being given the time to process how this would affect each of us, plus the community that we had provided a service for.  There were a lot of tears, but I was focused on keeping my work family together and trying to reassure them all would be okay.  The next 6 months for me would be the worst.  I was dealing with everyone else and not my own feelings.  I had my manager status taken away from me, but was still asking to lead, but my opinion did not matter to my new boss.  The associates I had been in charge of still looked to me for answers, but I did not have the answers and they could not understand it.  I was being pushed and pulled and for the first time in my life I was finding myself being sick, the headaches were endless and all I did when I got home was sit on the couch.  To top all of this off my youngest daughter was graduating from high school and going to move 3 hours away.  Then I get the call from my oldest daughter and her husband, that they want to move back to their home town and can they live with us till they find jobs and a house.  Some of the happiest times I should be having and are now starting to just make the world around me to crumble.  


Finally I made the choice to find any other job than the one I had and if it meant using my 401K to survive then that is what I would have to do.  Finally I found a job in my home town at the local community college, that my cut my pay in half after much talk with my husband we felt in the best interest of my health and happiness to take the job.  So one week after celebrating 24 years working with the same company I left and started a new adventure. 

Trying to get paid to blog

a quaff swims like a trash can


So don't worry about the a quaff swims like a trash can this is just me trying to see if I can get paid to blog.  I wonder what is a quaff and how does a trash can swim.  Oh well it just said I had to use this line in a new post to check and see if my blog will interact with their site.  So let's just hope it works, this is another of those oddball things that I am willing to do.  

My Blog's Intention

So I think the reason I wanted to blog has changed and having been following others blogs I think it is time to be serious about this.  I see these bloggers that have theme's they blog about crafters, at home moms, cooking, it looks like so many of the bloggers I have found are young mothers.  Not sure if they are getting paid to do this or is this is a way for them to connect outside of the home.  But perhaps I will be the senior blogger who blogs about turning 50 and dealing with her children leaving home and trying to stretch the small paycheck.  Not sure that it will interest anyone at all.
Something else I could blog about is people.  I have always worked with and around a lot of people.  People always wanting something for nothing and some willing do anything to get it and some nothing.  So maybe I should just blog about people.  I see them everyday young people and old people both.  Maybe it will be about people.
All I know is I need to find something to blog about, because I have been reading about getting paid to blog, but I'm not really sure that people would pay me to blog.  Only because I have not found a real theme to blog about.

Been a while

So it has been awhile since I have blogged, or written as I will call it.  A bunch of stuff just rolls around in my head all of the time.  I thought maybe this might be a place to put it all down at, but it really doesn't work.  But here is what I am currently thinking about.
Do I want to go back to school and get my bachelor's degree? I'm not sure at all about this.  It would take me about 2 years I think, unless I take a bunch of 8 weeks courses and then I could get it done in a year. But do I really want to do that, you know they say people with bachelor degree's get better jobs.  But is that really a concern of mine,  I mean I'm 51 and though I figure I will work for at least 10 more years, probably 15 to be honest.  Is it going to take me up the ladder.  However, you know after being in the same job 24 years and having the carpet pulled out from under you, maybe a bachelor's degree should be considered, because you sure never know what is going to happen tomorrow. 
Scarlett, she is on my mind so much and her great grandmother as well, my mom.  Scarlett is really what started the blog in away.  But I think about things that Adriane and Rochelle missed by not having grandmothers, plus there is so much history.  So part of me wants to make a special blog just for her and future grandchildren. Plus just the history that both of my daughters do not know about their families.  I look at my husband and his last uncle just passed away.  He is helping his cousin sort through things and there are so many things they come across that has memories.  I need to share these with my daughters. 
Then thinking about a business venture with some friends.  This one scares me and excites me.  I 'm just not sure what I want to think of this, in fact it is the one thing I think the very least about.  I'm not sure why that is. 
Then my health.  I think about this, because I want to see my grandchildren grow up.  I need to drop some weight and get my joints to moving.  My hips hurt so bad at night that I can't sleep. I just don't know what to do.  I need to quit eating and start walking.  It just seems like it never makes a difference.  I lost 15 pounds a year ago and you know what happened it is all back.  I just don't know what to do to.  It makes me sad, not really depressed, just sad.  I want to run and play with Scarlett and worry I won't be able to.  Hopefully that will make the difference for me. 
The other things, are just about Rochelle and Tyler and what will she do.  That child is more confusing than me.  I use to worry about Adriane and Steven, but they are such good parents and really seem to know what they are doing.  I have to remind myself they are still young and just beginning their lives together, but they make me so proud and I know Rochelle and Tyler will do the same.
Well those are the heavy things I think about, I also think of some crazy stuff.  Like rice and how easy it is to make and how much I like it.  I also think about Charlie Sheen and how much I will miss the sitcom without him, always made me laugh.  I also think about what is my dog, Duke, thinking.  I know Daisy is just thinking that darn dog Duke is crazy, just leave me alone.  But my life is good and I enjoy it.